Okay, liberals, I have a radical idea I want to run by you: the Iranian government is bad and worthy of some of your outrage.

Yeah, I know, it sounds crazy. Iran is not a beauty queen speaking out against gay marriage, or Sarah Palin. Why in the world would you want to direct any scorn towards a brutal theocracy seeking nuclear weapons? It’s not obvious, but let me explain.

Now, I know it doesn’t take much to convince conservatives to be against Iran. You just tell them, “It’s full of foreigners.” And they’ll be like, “What?! Let’s nuke it! Let’s nuke it now!” Liberals, of course, are more sophisticated and will take a much more measured approach. When you tell them that Iran has an evil government worthy of outrage, they’ll point out the obvious — that it’s not America.

Well, that’s true, and I know America is the biggest meddler and cause of trouble everywhere, but also remember it’s now run by President Obama. Thus, if you’re too critical of America, you’ll also be critical of Obama, which is de facto racist. So you have to admit that’s a pretty good argument to redirect some of that scorn at another country.

Okay — I know the first country that comes to mind if you are not going to hate America is Israel. Israel is a close ally of America — which is pretty suspicious — while Iran constantly condemns America, something sophisticated people are known to do since America is full of the greatest threat to this planet: Mid-Westerners. Once again, I’m going to suggest something radical. …

Maybe you can try judging a country regardless of its opinion on America.

The Iranians just had an election stolen from them by their government. Remember how angry you were when you pretended the election was stolen in 2000? Why, you whined about it for years and years. Some of you still even whine about it today. Again, you guys were only pretending an election was stolen. Now think if the election were actually stolen, and Bush declared himself winner by 63 percent of the vote. You’d be so angry you might actually do something more than whine about it. Well, that is what’s happening with the Iranians, and they’re taking to the streets. If you miss the pretend anger about 2000, maybe you can direct some real anger at what’s happened in Iran.

Excellent.

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